omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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