My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
