dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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