I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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