remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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