why didn't you poke me back
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He passed out mid-signature
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Shame - the story of my life.
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