Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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