Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
