if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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