Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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