he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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