so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
