Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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