I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
