I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
