Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
