Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
