I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
this hospital has no fireball
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
