Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
