my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
