He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
