Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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