we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
