I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Pooping to opera.
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