i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
