Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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