im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
