i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
