The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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