Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize