i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
