smell my finger.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
