the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
