i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
