So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
