Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
