How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Couch. On fire.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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