smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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