My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
