once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
