I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize