this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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