Yo dont text me then not text me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize