Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
