I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
