I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am spending my child support on dildos
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
