I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
