I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize