my vag is so smooth its legendary
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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