were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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