Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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