i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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