I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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