I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
