There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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