Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
