i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
