apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
