you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
