He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
