im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
