dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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