That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
