The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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