I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
