Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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