I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
