I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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