Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
