for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
